I am awake. WHY?

It's 4:07 AM.

I am awake.

This does not please me.

If it was not, in fact, 4:07 AM, I would come up with something clever that began with the letters A and M and stood for "time to be asleep." Except it would be more vehement than that because it would be in ALL CAPS and probably end in a few choice curse words.

Why am I awake at 4:10 AM?

I wish I knew.

The immediate answer to that question is:
1.) The fire alarm (which hurts my ears and sounds like demon indigestion/squeels of pain from the pits of hell) went off.
2.) When I failed to notice this (becuase it is 4:12 Atimetobe Masleep), and did not move, my roommate opened the connecting door and began shouting my name. At least that's what happened from my perspective. From her doorside view, she calls into the darkness over the demon sounds, and this body slams bolt-upright in bed with a horrified gasp, and begins looking at her with wide staring eyes.

At that point I looked at my roommate (who by this time had gathered her precious belongings in a teetering pile in her arms and was practically running out the door), and inquired as to what, pray tell, might be going on... ("ACK! uhhgu? Wablooo ell? whazzit? Whatime? ubluguh nuh." which, roughly translated, means: "Huh? What the (curse)? What is that awful sound, and why? What time is it? (curse) ok, I'm up") But by the time I articulate this, my roommate is gone. So's my mind. Apparently waking me up from a deep sleep with screaming and demon sounds, then running away in a panic does bad things to my brain. I run out the door. Half way out, I run back in for my robe. I run back out. The front of my body is hunched over, my eyes are still squinted closed. I get outside.

It is very cold.

If I had not taken to wearing socks to bed, I would have been barefoot. As it was, I was in sock feet, a tank top pj top and (luckily) fleece pj pants. To quote a great mind: "my toes are froze. And my noze is froze too!" I also did not have my glasses, which meant I did not recognize any of the mulling angsty muttering figures around me. I began calling my roommates name in a panic. At least, I think that's what I said. I didn't find her. As far as my sleep-crazed mind was concerned, she was dead, and so was I. I did find Rachel. Her body was warm. I love her now. We are going to elope in the sunrise tomorrow. Yes.
So Rachel hugged me and let me stand on her feet. I found Jeff, also. He was in a t-shirt, like it was no big thang. I grunted at him. His response, "nice hair," did not cheer me. (My breath is just tasty too. MmmmMmm good!)

So what, you might wonder, did my roommate deem valuable enough to gather at life's peril and deliver safely from the (not) burning dorm?
-BabyDog (a wellworn stuffed dog, not a real one, that wears a pink dress)
-the Boyfriend Box, containing all ticket stubs, dried flowers, cards, napkins, and other memerabilia
-a china ballerina and Lock Ness Monster (both of which belonged to a favorite grandma)

Heck, I didn't even remember my glasses. Or shoes.

Again I ask you, why am I awake at 4:32 AM?

The other potential answers to that question, which the perpetrator better be (cursing) thankful I don't know include:
1.) incense (the dominant explaination, which I find unsatisfying)
2.) hot-boxing, or smoke-boxing, or whatever it's called, which, as it was explained to me in a shocked how-do-you-not-know-how-to-do-this voice, is when you smoke up some mary-jane in an enclosed space to trap the smoke, so you get higher and higher.
3.) Fire Poi Club was firedancing in Starlight lounge. (this is false. If it were true, it would almost be forgivable because that is so (cursing) bad(curse). And by that I mean awesome).
4.) late night grilled cheese cravings gone horribly horribly wrong.
4.) OPAN was performing sexy candle wax cleansing rituals.
5.) people are dumb (yes)
6.) it's a plot to make sure Erin doesn't sleep. The government is involved, especially The Man. Yes, that Man. And it's so convoluted and complicated and well orchestrated and blobulated that I have not yet figured it out and/or come to suspect anything.

It's 4:39 AM. I am awake. I see this as a problem I would like to correct.